Women don't really seem to understand the hairy, noisy, sometimes smelly creatures we call men. Our counterparts are simple creatures. Women - we are complicated and we are confusing...and sometimes we are scary as hell.
So many relationships fail nowadays. More than half of all marriages end in divorce. Many times, you will hear a woman whining and feeling sorry for herself...because she just doesn't understand men. She doesn't understand why he works so late, she doesn't understand why he watches porn, she doesn't understand why he won't watch the lifetime network for 4 hours with her, or why he met that scanky blonde and ran off with her.
Well, let me be your guide to the wonderful world of men.
Men like 4 main things in life, they may enjoy other things that branch off into different categories, but it always will come back to these 4 main neccessities...let me make them clear.
1) Sex
2) Beer
3) Sports
4) Obedience
Let me explain my reasoning behind these 4 neccessities.
Sex. Men love sex. More precisely, they love anything that revolves around their penis. I'm not being negative here, I'm just being truthful. Men are a very sexual creature. They like instant gratification. They need it. If they don't get it, they can turn very grumpy and that's no fun for anyone.
If you want to make a man happy - always be willing to please his nether regions. It really doesn't matter how you do it...just give him what he needs. It is something they can't go without...a man going without sexual activity is like a woman going without lip gloss or deodorant. We basically need those things for survival...same goes for a man and his penis action. Just give him what he needs.
Beer. Men need beer. They need an outlet that will allow them to wear the proverbial "beer goggles" for a while, and view their world as nothing but perfect. Beer allows men to lower their inhibitions and act completely stupid and mindless for a while. They need an escape sometimes.
If you want to please a man in this region...ensure there is always beer available. Make sure you realize that sometimes men need a mental vacation...we women take them too. For example, if you're watching a movie, and suddenly you find your mind drawn to that extremely sexy male lead...and your brain takes you on a mental vacation to a tropical island with said male lead singing you a ballad without his shirt on...this is a female mental vacation. We are just more creative and able to do it sans alcohol. Let your man have his beer with his boys, and let him have the freedom to escape for a while. Let him have fun without the guilt trips or the mocking.
Sports. Sports are essential to most male mentalities. Hockey, baseball, football...whatever it is, a man needs to shout at something. They just need to have someone to root for. They need to act like they are a part of something bigger than themselves.
Pleasing a man in this region? PVR your shows, and let him have the TV to watch the game. I'm sure there is something more useful you can do than watching a rerun of Glee for the 5th time. Read a book, go take your out of shape ass for a walk...or just sit down and watch it with him. Let your man have his game. If it makes him happy, shouldn't it make you happy? That's usually the way it goes when you love someone.
Lastly, the most difficult of the 4 neccessities. Obedience. Yes, this is the one I can't seem to get down. This is not saying to let your man push you around or bitch you out every 10 minutes. Obedience is just allowing your man to feel as though he has the final say. He needs to feel in control, after all, since the beginning of time, men have been the head of the home. Ladies, I know it sucks when your man tries to tell you what to do...believe me. It can get out of control and ANNOYING. But if you make him feel like he is the boss...he will be a much happier creature.
Try to just smile and nod when he says something. Try not to backtalk. Men just have to feel like they are needed and like their ill-given advice is neccessary. Sometimes you just want to beat them with the plate they are eating off of, but refrain.
Yes - men have 4 basic needs....but what do we do to men??
What don't we do.
That's a story for next time.
But I can guarantee you. If you meet your man at the front door holding a beer, with his favorite team on the TV...and if you can manage to give him some sexual attention...you will have a very happy man...and a happy relationship.
